Weeks 20-24

So much has changed in the last month but one thing remains constant: my growth! Which of course, adds to a lot of the flux I am experiencing right now as well. As of 10/05, I had gained 20 pounds since conception! I was happily reassured by my midwife that I am right on schedule for the suggested weight gain during pregnancy. Which I think is 25-35 pounds.

Although, I was nervous during the initial periods of my growth; unable to find any clothes in my closet to wear while knowing I hadn't even made it half-way and barely had a bump to prove I was packing a baby. But now, I revel in my growth. I love to look at my body and belly in the mirror and see all of the curves that support my life and of my baby's.

I love to look at the subtle changes too, like my belly-button. The symbol of my connection to my mother's womb, now reflects the growth of my own womb. Its not protruding quite yet, but I am fascinated with how little of my finger can fit in it now. Possibly the most beautiful symbol of my maternal growth are my breasts. I've always had wonderful, small breasts but now they are ample and full of my own womanly glory! Two whole cup sizes I have gained and it won't be much longer till I can say three. Woah!

I have been putting a collagen building creme on at night and so far, no stretch marks. Not that I will mind if I do get them, or if I lose my breasts completely after breastfeeding, or if my body does take the 8-12 months (or longer) it can take to regain a once more-familiar form. Becoming a mother and allowing for complete transformation of my body provides a wonderful meditation on impermanence. We all have the potential to be something other than what we are in any given moment, regardless if where we happen to be is where we "want" to be. There is a lot of grace to be found in just doing what you can and being grateful for the vessel for the experience of life.

Lately, I've been able to feel the baby flip and turn inside of me which is really fun. Her movements are much more consistent, and occasionally feel like fireworks! During my first appointment with Treasure Valley Midwives, Paula saw me and we listened to the baby's heartbeat (which was 150 bpm at 23 weeks). When she had the little sonic device right over the baby, the baby kept pushing up on it with enough force that the device would jump and we'd hear a bunch of static. Such a smart lil' one and Paula said she's a mover and a shaker indeed!

One night around week 22 I was laying in bed reading a magazine. The magazine rested on my belly and at one point the baby kicked so hard that the magazine jumped. And just a few nights ago while laying in the bathtub, I could see waves of movement on my belly while the baby puff turned to get comfortable. I couldn't help but think of a friend of mine who asks about the little alien. Although, I don't like to think of this beautiful life as being alien, I couldn't help but laugh in reference to it in that way at that moment.

With all of the added strength and movement of our little one, James can now feel her with his hand on me. And with that added connection for him, he's been talking to my belly more often and touching the little pod to say hi all the time. Its so sweet, I love it.

Often at night I'll lay my hands on my belly and imagine what she must look like. I like to envision her, golden and glowing surrounded in my red, warm, shelter. When I do this I can feel such a strong energetic current moving through both of us. It often is so warm and soothing that I fall fast asleep.