Padme's a dancer and Mama plays Musical Midwifes.

A few weekends ago I felt the baby move for the first time!

It happened mid-steamroll in a tent that James had camped in as a child. We went up to Silvercreek Plunge with his parents and got a visit from a couple of his aunts, uncles, and cousins. It was a great time. I had already met his aunt and uncle Patty and Brian as well as their two sons DeLaney and Lucas. I really like his family and it feels as Mama V has put it, that I fit right in. :)

Back to the steamroll...

I was there, wrapped up in not only one but two sleeping bags to fight off the freezing night, stacked belly to belly right on top of Hi-may (James). It was the beginning of really feeling the space that is my uterus, and there it was sandwiched up to his luscious buddha belly. And then... flicker-flicker-dance-dance! Instantly I knew, that is noooo sensation I've ever felt before. It must be the baby!! We were both happy and excited and especially since it kept happening all weekend.

I started reading a book a friend lent me that weekend; "Spiritual Midwifery" by Ina May. It revolutionized my viewpoints on birth, or rather let me embrace it from a freer, more holistic perspective. Much like my view of health and wellbeing outside of pregnancy and birth.

I had seen my Midwife the week before and although impressed with her philosophies, I couldn't deny some of the symbolism that is involved that I do not connect with. Paper lined tables under blaring florescent lights never said LIFE to me. Quite the opposite rather. That in addition to some energetic differences in character, the location of the hospital, a hospital setting, and adjustments to my ideal birthing plan to fit her needs left me open to pursue other avenues.

I had looked into the Treasure Valley Midwives and Birthing Center (http://www.treasurevalleymidwives.com/) previously but because of scheduling problems and a lack of knowledge or experience on my part I chose what felt the safest. But after remembering what I know of bodies already- that we are infinitely wise and that the natural order of life (Spirit) keeps myself and us all, protected and taken care of, I realized I needed to meet these women. Also I realized that ultimately I would be choosing to give birth in a hospital to gain a sense of security in a process that truly has no certainty.

Tomorrow, I will be meeting with the TVMidwives and hope that the experience will allow me to feel like a woman in the office and not a patient or an appointment time slot. Giving birth in an open, peaceful environment is what I envision for myself and our baby. I do fear an absolutely natural birth. I did think that having access to an epidermal would be ideal, as I still do, but unfortunately there are no anesthesiologists on location at the birthing center. I will address this fear more in my birthing class- Birthing From Within based on the ever-so-helpful book by Pam England.

Ultimately, I now view childbirth as a rite of passage; a portal to enter a new phase of my own womanhood. I want to actively choose a loving, peaceful passage through this ritual with my partner as we bring our child into this world honestly, riddled with intense pain and suffering but cushioned and comforted by boundless amounts of LOVE.

What a beautiful world it truly is..... :)

***

I think it was Sunday, the 23rd of August that I was having a rough time either with my emotions or my body and Hi-may said to me, after just supporting me with his presence: "Thank you for caring our baby Heidi." It was the sweetest thing and just one of the many things that he has been doing lately, or ever for that matter, that makes me look at him in amazement, awe, wonder and immense gratitude. I am so happy and grateful to be having this child with such a beautiful man. He will be a wonderful father, I have no doubts. We are very blessed to have each other and our new family.