i shall name this post- VENT!

*sigh*
i've had enough of my own mind.
i love my mind at the same time, it does great things for me. it helps me dream up great things and then create them. it also has been helpful to lead me to some sort of conclusions regarding my son's GI tract. he's 12 weeks old now, officially 3 months tomorrow!!!, and i am STILL trying to get to the bottom of his gassy tummy. i started out on this voyage 9 weeks ago! we've definitely made progress, yet the issue remains.

and now, my mind, is starting,
to get out of motherFing control!

ha, i'm really not losing it. i just wanted to add some dramatic value to my post. :)

but really, i am starting to get really annoyed with myself!

i've started to worry that lucas has crohn's disease or that his potential food allergies are a sign that autism will leave its mark on our family.

and in addition to those worries, i'll just note briefly that i'm noticing myself worry about everything!

cleanliness, him getting hurt, said health concerns, and my own mothering style/technique at times.

so again... i *sigh*

i was really good during pregnancy. almost all of the information that came my way was fear based. i could look straight in its face and give a good laugh- knowing that i put my faith in nature and the notion that "what will be, will be."

but not now.

i worry.
it has yet to keep me up at night, but i'm sure it will.

i see every thing that comes out of my son as a potential for something to be wrong with him. (ok, i'm exaggerating but it has its merits.)

i just need to write this out for myself, even though i don't fully embody it at the moment:

Lucas is OK. If he has Crohn's disease or is autistic it will present itself to you in Gods time. You can do nothing to prevent these things. Trust in your heart that you are given the circumstances in life that you need to manifest your vision and purpose in life. All is full of Love.

ahh, i do feel a bit better now.
thank you.

HJae<3